“I’m Better Than You, And You Know It”

"Every Man Has A Price For The Million Dollar Man"

"The Best There Is, The Best There Was, And The Best There Ever Will Be"

"Whatcha Gonna Do, When Hulkamania Runs Wild On You"

"And That's The Bottom Line Because Stone Cold Said So"

<h3><strong>The Sh*t-hole Just Got a Whole Lot Deeper</strong></h3>
<p>Alright, the show started with the 1-on-2 handicap match for AJ Styles’ WWE Championship, so at least we could get over with the derision early.</p>
<p>A few minutes later…</p>
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<p>Yet another screwed-up finish. WHAT. And no, that was not an Austin reference, so calm your beer cans. As of writing this line, we were one pissed-off team (Update after finishing the article: WE STILL ARE.) So AJ Styles won with a pin over Kevin Owens, but there was dispute over whether Kevin Owens was tagged in or not. And right here, from the screen, we could see that Zayn HAD NOT tagged Kevin Owens. How come the referee, in DIRECT VIEWING, and literally 6 inches away, failed to see there was not even a tag? Hell, Kevin even retracted his hand a bit to make sure it did not happen! Sure, Shane McMahon or Daniel Bryan screwing up refereeing could be attributed to their not being familiar with the role, but this was a referee who was chosen to oversee a match for the WWE Championship, theoretically one (of two) biggest titles in the entire company! But yeah, rant aside, this was pretty much the only way out for WWE – a screwy finish.</p>
<p>The scriptwriters had booked themselves into a corner with the ridiculous 1-on-2 handicap WWE Championship match, so SOMETHING had to be devised so as to keep the title on AJ, all the while not making Sami or Kevin look weak had they been defeated clean as a sheet. Sensible decision in context, it was just that the very thing all sides involved had to work with in the first place was downright ridiculous.</p>
<h3><strong>A Clean Sweep</strong></h3>
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<p>Now this match, where there were actually room for some dispute, ended way too decisive. Even though seeing a 2-0 result for a 2-out-of-3 falls match was a change, but this was not done at the right time. All those weeks of showing Gable and Benjamin having two wins over The Usos had now gone to waste. This victory from the Usos completely made Gable and Benjamin look like in-coordinate fools, especially in the second pinfall, where Gable, half-way up the top rope, saw Benjamin being schoolboy-ed but could not descend in time to make the save. The match had good wrestling, though, which was something we could console ourselves on. But so far, the show had not excited us.</p>
<p></p>
<h3><span style="color: #ff2851;"> </span><strong>“Wait What? This Is Happening Now?”</strong></h3>
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<p>That was legitimately what one of my colleagues said when he knew the 30-man Royal Rumble was coming third on the main show. Damn, this was something out of the norm.</p>
<p>In that spirit, we had decided to do something out of the norm as well. Instead of just giving our comments after the match ended, we would be adding comments about our observations as the match was playing out. We figured this would make sense – there are usually many interweaving storylines, memorable moments, and other things worth noting.</p>
<p>RUSEV and Finn Balor started the match. This was a good decision, as both were fan favourites.</p>
<p>Baron Corbin got really mad after he was eliminated by Finn, so he went on to beat up (but not eliminate) Finn Balor, Rusev, and the newly-arrived Heath Slater. We could see the effort of management trying to portray Baron as a bad-ass, and we appreciated their efforts here. That beating was intense.</p>
<p>OH MY GOD ELIAS SUNG IN AN EMPTY RING FOR TWO MINUTES AND WE LOVED IT!!!</p>
<p>DAMNNNN Andrade “Cien” Almas joined the Royal Rumble! And he is still the NXT Champion! Now that was what we call a “surprise entrant”! Six entries in, and everything had been great.</p>
<p>It had always been a source of annoyance whenever we see someone breaking someone else’s attempt on a finishing move on another wrestler in the Royal Rumble match. Here we saw that first stupid moment from Finn to Bray Wyatt. Why would you do that, Finn? We know that you had a vendetta of some sorts with Bray Wyatt, but why not wait until after Bray had successfully delivered the Sister Abigail?</p>
<p>A little side note: The latest patterns on The New Day’s wrestling gear looked really good.</p>
<p>YESSS TYE DILLINGER CAME OUT AT NUMBER 10 AGAIN!!! But Tye could not enter the Rumble since he got assaulted by Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn out of frustration at their earlier championship match. This was a great way to weave in a story during a PPV. It made the WWE Championship scene look important, and let the audience be curious as to what might happen later on in the show.</p>
<p>Wait, so…Sami Zayn just inserted himself into the Rumble now…? An intriguing move, and “intriguing” is always the adjective WWE wants the viewers to have in their minds.</p>
<p>OH DAMN HEATH SLATER GOT FIRED UP AND ELIMINATED SHEAMUS AS SOON AS HE GOT IN THE RING! The first third of the Royal Rumble had been very, very entertaining.</p>
<p>Damn, some sick fire patterns on Seth Rollins’ tights. It had a Bam Bam Bigelow vibe to it, for some reason.</p>
<p>And then there was the Kingston Save! For once, the pancakes were actually entertaining! But Jinder Mahal throwing himself out of the ring after being hit with Trouble in Paradise was cringe-worthy.</p>
<p>The weirdness of Bray Wyatt and Matt Hardy continued. They worked together for a while, got rid of Rusev, and then they brawled and eliminated each other out of the ring. A nice little touch.</p>
<p>EVERYONE WAS… BEATING UP JOHN CENA!!!</p>
<p>THE HURRICANE WAS BACK! Gladly, he did not do anything of much importance, since John Cena got rid of him quickly.</p>
<p>SECOND NXT CALL-UP, ADAM COLE!!!</p>
<p>REY MYSTERIO! This time, WWE did not put him in the 30<sup>th</sup> spot, so that helped relieve some of the stress and bad memories of his last Rumble outing. BUT DAMN, MYSTERIO IS BACK!</p>
<p>Roman Reigns came out at number 28, and he got booed. We did not get why the Philly crowd booed this time. It had been announced two days before the event, plus, why did you boo this time? Was it because of everyone groaning at how predictable it was that Roman Reigns was going to win the whole thing? What was so bad about that? Do you guys want a champion that appears 10 times a year, or someone who constantly puts out good matches almost every week? Booing Roman is getting more and more unjustified.</p>
<p>DOLPH ZIGGLER CAME OUT AT NUMBER 30, AND THIS TIME, IT WAS THE SHOW-OFF VERSION OF HIM! Too bad the crowd did not respond too well, but we did not blame them on this one; Dolph had not been really over on Smackdown Live lately.</p>
<p>The posing of the final 6 made for an interesting scene. On one side, we had the old guards: John Cena, Randy Orton, and Rey Mysterio. On the other side of the ring, we had the new guards, future mega-stars of WWE: Finn Balor, Shinsuke Nakamura, and Roman Reigns. This was a huge, low-key “passing-of-the-torch” moment, and we loved it. Now we crave for a 3-on-3 tag team match between these two teams.</p>
<p>Cena, Reigns, Nakamura, and Balor was the top 4. You could not get a better final quartet than that. Great job, WWE. And Balor had been surviving for 52 minutes by that point, so that was worth noting.</p>
<p>Nakamura and Reigns were the final 2, and Nakamura was made to look REALLY strong after eliminating Cena with multiple kicks. Man, could this be the start of the official Nakamura push we have all been craving for?</p>
<p>HELL YEAH NAKAMURA WON THE ROYAL RUMBLE!!! IS THIS FOR REAL? NAKAMURA VS STYLES AT WRESTLEMANIA 34 FOR THE WWE CHAMPIONSHIP??? Nakamura, you had become the biggest babyface in the company now after you eliminated Roman in a Royal Rumble (It seemed like eliminating Roman from a Rumble is a sure-fire way of making someone more of a fan favorite). This victory for Nakamura came as quite a surprise for many, since most were expecting Roman to come out on top (just listen to that Philly crowd when Roman came out). We were a bit taken aback as well, but in a good way. We. LOVED. THIS. RUMBLE.</p>
<p>Congratulations, Nakamura. The Era of Strong Style has begun.</p>
<p>Aw, no fireworks coming out of the WrestleMania logo? Sad.</p>
<h3><strong>Natural Colonel</strong></h3>
<p>So Ric Flair partook in (and won) this thing called a KFC Colonel Rumble match. Did this technically count as an in-ring return for The Nature Boy in WWE?</p>
<h3><strong>Another Handicap Match</strong></h3>
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<p>Technically, it was not, but essentially, it was. Early on, Jason Jordan got smashed head first into the ring post, and he seemed to be concussed throughout the match. Even when finally tagged in, he did not do anything and tagged himself back out. This meant that the Kingslayer had to fight against two guys to defend his championship (hmm, seems familiar). But eventually, The Bar proved too much for the lone Rollins, and Sheamus and Cesaro became tag champions for the fourth time.</p>
<p>Another very interesting progression in the Jason Jordan story, it indicated that Jason Jordan had failed the test of determination. It also raised serious doubts in Seth Rollins about Jason’s commitment and what he was willing to put himself through to fight for his team. Tonight, Jason Jordan was a coward in Seth’s eyes. Let us see how this will play out come Monday.</p>
<p></p>
<h3><strong>The 2003 Incarnate</strong></h3>
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<p>Finally, The Beast was positioned to be stronger than he had been the past half a year. We really felt bad for Lesnar, seeing him being tossed around for most of his titles defenses, only to come back with an F5 to escape by the skin of his teeth. He got pummeled by Braun (and Kane) quite a bit, but there were times where he was really dominant. Brock fought like a champion this time, and we felt that his retaining the title was one he really earned, not barely getting away with.</p>
<p>Let us hope that Lesnar shows more of his 2003 aura from now on. Quality-wise, this was an above-average triple threat match. Most of the moves dished out were signature or finishing, and the plunder utilized added a bit to the match, making this a fairly good showdown.</p>
<h3><strong>“This Is The Main Event For Real?”</strong></h3>
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<p>This was from that same guy we quote earlier for the Men’s Royal Rumble Match. Nicely done by the WWE here, making the first-ever Women’s Royal Rumble feel important by having it last. And since we like equality so much, we figured we would do the same thing here as in the men’s match.</p>
<p>Banks and Lynch to start the match. This was a good choice of the first two entrants, and the reason is similar to that of the men’s: Both are fan favorites.</p>
<p>Wait a minute…is Sasha sporting Wonder Woman colors? Hell yeah. We never got tired of Sasha’s low-key cosplaying attires.</p>
<p>LITA CAME OUT AT NUMBER 5!!! And she eliminated Rose! Well, it was just Rose, but good seeing Lita back in the ring anyways.</p>
<p>KAIRI SANE AT NUMBER 6! The crowd was not really huge for this one, and it was understandable. To the casual fans, Kairi is just an NXT newcomer, and has barely made a mark in the WWE wrestling picture.</p>
<p>Dana Brooke came out, but not in her sexy secretary outfit. Our hearts broke a bit. Then she eliminated Kairi Sane. Our hearts broke a bit more.</p>
<p>TORRIE WILSON AT NUMBER 9! Damn, this woman still looked fantastic after all those years.</p>
<p>MOLLY HOLLY WAS THE 12<sup>TH</sup> ENTRANT!!! Boy oh boy, the nostalgia fest from Monday did not end on RAW.</p>
<p>MICHELLE MCCOOL AT NUMBER 14! Her kicks looked a bit rusty though. OH MY GOD MICHELLE MCCOOL CLEANED HOUSE, ELIMINATING 4!</p>
<p>YES, YES, YES, VICKIE GUERRERO IS BACK!!! EXCUSE ME! Man, that scream was such a good opener to a theme song. And she still showed how good a heel she is by snatching the briefcase away from Carmella and used it to smash The Princess of Staten Island.</p>
<p>KELLY KELLY AT NUMBER 19! Her hurrincanrana was a bit rusty, but still looked acceptable.</p>
<p>JACQUELINE CAME OUT 21<sup>ST</sup>! Damn, she looked dead serious. Too bad she got dumped out by Nia.</p>
<p>Naomi pulled a Kingston Save!</p>
<p>THE OTHER NXT SINGLES CHAMPION ENTERED THE RUMBLE AS WELL! Even when banged up, Ember Moon still came to the ring, valiantly facing Nia Jax.</p>
<p>Poor Naomi. All her effort of going halfway around ringside, only to come back into the ring in the most not-smart (read stupid) way possible – jumping from the top rope, landing on Nia Jax’s firewoman carry and tumbling out of the ring. Why would any sane person do that? You saw a big monster in the middle of the ring, and you lose by being thrown over the top rope, so logic dictated that attempting a crossbody would not be the wisest choice.</p>
<p>BETH PHOENIX WAS NUMBER 24! But she did not do the smartest things during her performance. She tried to firewoman carried Nia Jax, she thought she had eliminated Nia Jax after throwing her over the second rope (mind you, she had more experience in the Rumble than all the other competitors combined), and then she proceeded to hug the ever-scheming Natalya. The last mistake cost her the Rumble match. So much for the Glamazon.</p>
<p>NIKKI AND BRIE BELLA CAME OUT AT 27 AND 28! Well, we were not too excited about this, but it was good to see them not losing a step in the ring and working together so well.</p>
<p>AND TRISH STRATUS AT NUMBER 30!!! YES! OUR LIVES ARE COMPLETE NOW! A small thought: Why was Trish’s attire so similar to Natalya’s?</p>
<p>Damn, the final 4 was The Bella Twins, Sasha Banks, and Asuka. Interesting.</p>
<p>The Bella Twins betrayed Banks, and then Nikki betrayed Brie. Classic Bella turncoat stuff.</p>
<p>ASUKA WON! This was absolutely the right decision. She would go to WrestleMania to fight for a championship, and better still, her undefeated streak remained intact! Interesting to note, both Rumbles this year were won by a Japanese person. Pretty cool, come to think of it.</p>
<h3><strong>Ronda</strong></h3>
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<p>That was seriously unexpected. Ronda arrived after the Rumble had ended, but apparently her presence was not welcomed. And from her gestures, it seemed like she wanted to fight at WrestleMania, but we did not know who it would be in particular. This made for must-see television, and it put more attention to the women’s division. Great way to end the Rumble.</p>
<h3><strong>Overall Review:</strong></h3>
<p>This was a very great and well-thought out Rumble. Things were not so good in the first few matches, but the pace picked up from the Men’s Royal Rumble match. The winners of the Rumbles were very appropriately-chosen, and sent everyone home happy. Many of the things that happened at the show made next week’s TV offerings can’t-miss, such as the Kevin Owens – Sami Zayn situation and Ronda Rousey’s appearance. And oh the nostalgia fest during the Women’s Rumble match – never hurts to have some once in a while. Very good way to start off the 2018 PPV year.</p>

WWE Royal Rumble 2018 Review & Results

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